omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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