you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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