Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
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i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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