yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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