i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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