So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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