So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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