i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize