Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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