being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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