Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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