Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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