I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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