One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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