OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
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He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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