we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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