Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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