Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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