I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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