I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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