I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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