Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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