4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wear drunk well.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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