i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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