dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize