Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
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Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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