Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the day after is always just damage control
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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