I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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