8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
love makes seman taste better
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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