I checked into jail on foursquare
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize