Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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