What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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