I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
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is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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