I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize