I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
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sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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