I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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