I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize