but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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