yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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