dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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