it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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