i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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