Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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