Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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