I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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