A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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