Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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