Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
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he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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