he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize