How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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