i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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